walking with my girls in the cool of the evening, i think about how many days we have left until summer takes over the night. and i think about raccoons a little bit, and my neighbors, and how cool it would be to have an entire bolt of the fabric Al's dress is made of (so i can make matching clothes for the whole family and realize my sudden dream of becoming *the actual* baroness maria augusta von trapp).and tonight i was thinking about other evening walks in other cities. especially new york. i loved the after dinner hour in manhattan, when all the apartment lights are on and the street smells just a little less of doggie tinkle. i'd come home from work and get off the subway a few stops early so i could get a hot dog (but really 2 hot dogs) at gray's papaya. and peek in people's windows.
i still do this because, hello, what's more interesting than watching other people live their lives?
i'm more discreet than The Toddler, aka The Beans, who feels free to gallop up the front walk, smell all the flowers and press her nose against the glass. (also she likes to collect gravel and i don't really.) but i'm just as curious.
and i needed a little diversion tonight--maybe hoping for a little wisdom from someone else in one of those glowing windows. i'm feeling a little downcast about the ca supreme ct decision today to uphold the ban on gay marriage. i still don't understand and i felt heartsick when i passed my neighbor who's raising a beautiful adopted daughter with her partner. her family is legitimate to me. i'd be plain lying if i pretended otherwise. i also felt encouraged by friends of faith who are delving into this dialogue. i got to thinking about all our separate lives, all our stories. how many causes, how many needs, how many hurts that could be mended, if only.
what would someone see through my window if they peeked in at night?** they'd know i like to eat chocolate pudding with a measuring spoon (1 tsp.). and putter around in an apron. they'd probably see me smell the back of my baby's head a lot (it smells exactly like fresh laundry, even when i haven't bathed her and the rest of her smells like my armpit).
who knows what other secrets aren't really secrets? would it be apparent to any observer, for instance, that i'm very interested in upholstery? i am, but i don't own a staple gun. so i guess i'm not that serious about it. also i am a person who is crazy about hostess products but who (almost) never buys them. a person who does not feel guilt about God, but who does feel guilt about plastic.
and here's some more: i'm a believer. in all of it: God, love, vanilla zingers. i am a person who feels strongly in the value of questions. who has never fully gotten over television. who has spent more than an hour admiring some new smocked dresses i made for The Beans and feeling like a little bit of a genius about it.
tell me something about yourself that i don't already know, won't you? thanks and good night. and good luck.
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*the title of tonight's post is brought to you by the song, "old coyote," by the weepies, whom i love, though we've never met, though i did see them live once at the tractor tavern in seattle. the volume on my computer is b-u-s-t-e-d so i can't preview a good youtube version of this song, but please do look it up if you feel like enjoying yourself immensely. old coyote. check it.
**which they totally couldn't because i close all my blinds as soon as it gets dark because i don't like crazy people staring at me.
11 of you said:
Did I ever tell you how much I like your posts? They are clever, intelligent (well intelligently written). They don't have grammatical errors, like mine. They are funny sometimes too. I wish I had a bolt of fabric, and I close my blinds at night, espeically in the bathroom. And I really want to see your smocked dresses.
If you look in my windows at night you will probably see me in my jamas, loading the dishwasher. The only light will be coming from over the kitchen sink, if it's that late. More times then not you will not see me because I will be laying in my bed sleeping by 7:30pm. If you're looking in my bedroom window, there is a name for people like you and I might call the cops!
Otherwise you will notice I do not have a TV, so I will be reading a book, or wasting time on FB but not blogging. I did blog yesterday though!
You will also notice that my kids are in bed at 7pm but allowed to stay up until 7:30 reading if they are ready for bed on time. But I am alone doing nothing really.
Not a lot to learn from my night life!
janae, thanks! now, if i could just take pictures like you do...i would really feel like a genius about that, and i hope you do.
sarah: so that's your secret! in bed before 8, huh? maybe if i could do that i'd cook dinner for my family all the time like you do, instead of dusting my stove. i loved your recent post and tips, btw. thanks!
this post is good. really good. as in, you made me feel like i was you. not you, but in the moment of your experiences; seeing things as you see them, with your eyes. you know?
and I cried a little, but you know that about me. What doesn't make me cry? Hostess snacks make me cry. particularly the orange hostess cupcakes. but you know that too.
what can i tell you that you don't know? I find long finger nails to be disgusting. as in a get urpy when i see them. even a little long.
thanks for elevating my day.
Here is something you probably don't know about me: I really wish I could write like you. And I really can't wait to see you and yours.
And the trees around my house are almost big enough that I don't need to close my blinds downstairs anymore.
jacks, i don't blame you for being emotional with the big move going on. you are a top girl and i am so flattered whenever you comment on my blog. i look forward to every one of your posts and they always have an impact on me. long fingernails are gross. how come i didn't "get" that in jr. high?
and shawnie. you are so funny and your blog makes me laugh. your writing is not lacking in the least. i love big trees and i love you for not cutting them down. and can't wait to see you too!
I like looking in windows, too, mostly to see how other people's houses are decorated. I like how cozy they sometimes look, and peaceful. Some have really attractive lighting that makes them look really inviting. And rich. When I had little kids at home, I always wanted to just hang out, unnoticed, in people's houses so I could see how they managed all their family situations. I always thought if I could see how other people did it when no one was watching then I could learn hot to do it better.
That would be "how" to do it better, not "hot" to do it better.
I LOVE your kind of crazy.
I don't look in other people's windows but I do like to stare at other people staring at other people. I do this especially well on the bus. I watch the guy watching the girl trying to look no where in particular. Either she's really good at hiding the fact she can see him looking or she really is engrossed in the poll to her right. The thing is, I'm pretty sure she is deep in a daydream and totally oblivious to him and me.
Also, we like to geocach when we go walking!
C
Also, HOW do you manage to not buy Hostess snacks but love them like you do. If you could explain that to me, I would have smaller thighs, I'm sure of it.
Oh SC, I love this post. I love your way with words and ideas. And I have plastic guilt also.
If you could look in my window you would see dark -if I was alone. I'm becoming friends with the dark or maybe I just don't like over-head lighting.
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